


Gorgeous

by Shamu



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: M/M, but I'm still oh so fond of it, thank you for reading!!, this is about a year old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-22 03:39:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13158489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shamu/pseuds/Shamu
Summary: The boy doesn't know how to button his shirt correctly, cut his hair right or even colour coordinate. How on Auldrant did he become the  glamorous, garish,gorgeousDist?





	Gorgeous

Saphir huffed, blowing air out from his cheeks - his shoulders hunched and hands clasped between his legs. Wiggling angrily on the chair, he whined, “Maaama, how long are you going to take? I want to go out and play.”    
  
“Honestly, Saphir,” she sighed from behind him, tidying away a couple of stay dishes. Plodding about, she huffed too, grabbing a bowl. “That’s all you ever want to do these days. Ever since you started that school…” She pulled at her dress that had accidentally hooked round one of the cupboard handles, “Play play play. You used to be such a good boy, helping with all the chores.”   
  
“… I’m sorry Mama,” Saphir said, lowering his head. He’d thought it was a good thing, not spending his entire life in his boring old room. Well, boring old room was a little harsh, he guessed, rubbing his hands together. At least he’d  _had_  a room, all to himself, unlike his eternally squabbling brothers and sisters. And it was where he could concentrate, pour over the organs of whatever orphan machine he’d found at the market or laying around town. But… still. “I just want to see my… friends,” he glanced down again, heat rushing to his cheeks.

  
“Ha,” Mama laughed, plopping the plastic bowl on his head. It was bright orange, and that was all Saphir could see. He squirmed uncomfortably again, fingers digging into the seat. “Friends, that’s what you call ‘em? I’d think they were your enemies, amount of bruises and cuts you always come back with.”   
  
“Maaama,” Saphir whined, “You know I’m clumsy. Professor Nebilim says I haven’t yet grown into my legs.”  
  
“Nonsense,” Mama said, fumbling around behind him again, hands patting the shelf. “You’re a perfectly healthy, strapping young lad. You just play too rough. Honestly Saphir, you’d think you’d learn to be a little more careful… aha!” Pulling down a purple pair of scissors, she snipped the air twice, smiling to herself. “Most scientists live nice, quiet lives in their labs. You don’t want to be an ice skater or a stunt double, now do you?”  
  
“Of course not!” He said with conviction, his head-bowl shaking. “I’m going to be a genius engineer! Professor Nebilim even said that she’d be recommending me and Jade in for the Military Academy!”   
  
“I know, I know that Saphir. You’ve said that enough times now. It’ll be a quiet house without you,” she sighed, putting her hand on the bowl, twisting it into place. “‘Suppose Rubin can have your room, he’ll be happy.”   
  
“Ugh,” he huffed again, leaning forwards on the chair only to have his shoulder pulled back roughly.   
  
“Sit still!,” she barked, “And no more huffing. Anyway, what was I saying… Ah, yes.” She lifted the scissors, taking the first chop at the fine, silver hair. “If you want to be a scientist, then there’s no need for you to go playing on the ice. You know you gave us all a proper scare when..”   
  
“I know Mama! I know you were scared! I’m sorry, okay?” Saphir frowned, “It was all my fault! I was just a stupid klutz, like always.” He sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “But I’m fine! I just want to go play with Jade, okay?”   
  
She sighed, “Always that Jade, huh? He’s a weird one.”   
  
“Well, so am I!”   
  
More locks of silver drifted to the floor while the scissors made their way around the edge of the bowl.  “Oh Saphir, stop that.” He kicked his legs against the chair, impatiently tapping his fingers on his legs. She finished started finishing up, a few loose strands still hanging long. “You’re perfectly normal.”   
  
Saphir didn’t respond to that, just humming while he continued to drum his fingers.  
  
“Such a one track mind, though…” She gave a final couple of snips, before pulling the bowl off. “There! Perfect.”    
  
Saphir smiled up at her, hopping off the chair. His hair flopped loosely, entirely unevenly cut - long strands sticking up messily. “Thanks Mama…” Rushing towards her, she just managed to pull the scissors away from sticking into his face at the last moment, his hands wrapping around her waist.    
  
“You almost got yourself killed!” She huffed, again.   
  
Looking up at her, he just quirked a brow, grinning. “Can I go out and play now?”   
  
“Agh!” Shoving him off, she laughed. “Fine, but be home in time for dinner, this time.” She ruffled his hair… before noticing his shirt was entirely unbuttoned.  “Oh, Gods, Saphir…” she mumbled, leaning over and adjusting his shirt, hurriedly doing up his buttons. “When are you going to use your brains for working out how to do buttons? Do you know how cold it is out there?”   
  
He whinged again, tugging himself away from her, his leg bouncing impatiently. “There! Now on you go. Back by dinner!”   
  
“I will!! Bye!!”   
  
Genius engineer… military academy… she laughed to herself, hardly believing any of it. 

* * *

  
Saphir was nineteen years old, and had never once been to a hairdressers.   
  
At the Military Academy, he’d just recruited Jade to use his Mama’s bowl method. Having him that close… with scissors… anyone else would be terrified, and Saphir took pride in the fact that he felt not even a beat of fear. If anything, he was just grateful to be that  _close_  to Jade, able to properly smell the subtle bit of cologne he put on his wrists, be aware his fingers efficiently running through his hair, tugging at his scalp and setting a gentle feeling off that started from the base of his skull and ended shuddering through his spine.   
  
As for the results… well, Jade took even less care than Mama, but to be fair - Saphir hadn’t even cared. Hadn’t  _noticed._ Actually, it was only recently that he was starting to become more  _aware_  of himself. Aware of the hairs on his wrists, on his legs, of his eyebrows all out of place. Compared to  _Jade,_ he felt like a stray rappig that had been rolling in its own muck.  
  
And well… to be fair, he’d always known that he wasn’t the prettiest thing to look at. But why would he care about something as vain as that? Only mindless airheads gave a damn about appearances, simians that couldn’t appreciate the value in anything else. But… well, there wasn’t any reason that Saphir couldn’t do more to take care of himself. Especially since… well, ever since they’d started working in the lab together, Jade and he had been growing closer. He even said ‘ _Good night’_ to him on a regular basis, small pieces of day-to-day talk slipping between their mouths during lulls in work.   
  
It… had made him more aware of himself, those little talks. More aware of Jade’s thin fingers, swooping through Jade’s long, beautiful hair, or resting on Jade’s incredibly long, feminine legs. And he wanted that for himself, that effect, that  _power_  … Maybe, maybe even have Jade notice Saphir the way Saphir noticed Jade.   
  
Well, the hair on his skin had been easy to sort out. Razors and bubble baths and only the  _occasional_ accidental cut that he embarrassingly hid under the long sleeves of his jumper. His eyebrows… went better, though Saphir still wasn’t sure if it was  _supposed_  to hurt that much. Still, he’d ground his teeth and got on with it - a one track mind, as Mama would say.   
  
Jade didn’t notice little changes like that, though - didn’t even remark on the new scent that Saphir had picked out for himself. No matter, he understood - not while his hair still resembled the inside of a mixing bowl.   
  
But… getting his hair done involved…  _other people._

  
And other people were a  _problem._

  
Saphir stared at the hairdresser’s door, concentrating on the various photographs of far prettier models with hairstyles he’d never noticed before. That was something else… Ever since noticing himself, it was like he’d started to see other people in hyper-focussed detail - all those little things he’d never been bothered with… they were  _normal_  to everyone else. Gods, he twisted his fingers over one another. Cursing Mama, cursing society, cursing himself.   
  
Until, of course, some woman (with perfectly sculpted eyebrows) stepped out of the hairdressers, apologising as she squeezed around him. Warm air blasted in his face, and he swallowed his fear - this was it, now or never.   
  
Stepping in, he was greeted by an overweight woman with bright blue lips. She ushered him in, heavily made-up eyes flicking between himself and the mirror.   
  
“So what can I do for you, darling?”   
  
What was he supposed to say now? She scuttled over to a corner, grabbing a sheet. What on Auldrant was that in aid of? Was she going to tie it round his head, did all haircuts need household tools?   
  
“Go on, sit down.”   
  
He stood, frozen, words jamming in his throat. Maybe he could just leave. Come back… well, never back here, go somewhere else - somewhere on the other side of town. He’d done so well so far, getting through the door - he was sure he’d do better next time. But just as the relief was already starting to settle in, his back turning towards the door, she gasped.   
  
“Oh, silly me. Haven’t even taken your jacket. Sorry, darling.”   
  
He wasn’t her  _darling,_ he almost snapped,  _you don’t even know me._ But he went into autopilot - or at least some form of it, fingers unlacing his buttons. Gods, was this what getting a haircut was like? Being called darling, having to undress - was that sheet a  _towel…_ he wasn’t expected to get naked, was he? What if he had wandered into a brothel? Oh no… he slipped the last of his buttons off, handing her his jacket - seriously wondering if he would use a brothel’s facilities out of  _sheer embarrassment._  
  
Taking to his seat, his fingers strangled one another. He swung his head around, concentrating on the clock on the wall, trying to imagine its insides to calm down.   
  
She came back, whipping out the sheet and tying it around his neck. He still had no idea what it was for, his shoulders jutting out to his ears, his heart racing. Still, though, it was oddly nice having his hands covered.   
  
“I noticed you have a military jacket,” she said with an awfully soft voice. He could smell her perfume, too, as she leaned towards his hair and pulled at it gently. For whatever reason, that was putting him at ease. “That’s nice. My son’s thinking of joining the army.”   
  
_Why are you telling me this?_  Saphir thought to himself, but the words were still stuck in his throat, his eyes still focussed on the clock.  _Is this normal? Do most people just… divulge miscellaneous correlations? Probably, that was all that stupid people were good at. Pattern finding._  
  
Feeling a little smug, he glanced back towards the mirror - suddenly ashamed. He hadn’t looked at himself in a mirror for… a long time, and definitely for not an extended period of time. Looking at himself made him uncomfortable. He much preferred just seeing a quick white and violet blur as he was doing his teeth, not… this pock-marked, annoying looking face with bad eyebrows and worse hair.   
  
Gods, is  _this_  what Jade saw when he looked at him?   
  
The hairdresser ran her fingers down the sides of his temple, suddenly speaking again, “He’s got to cut his much shorter than this though, regulation. So is that what you’re looking for, cropped short?”   
  
“No!!” Saphir surprised himself with how violently he spoke, swallowing. “I don’t have to… Um, I mean, I’m not really military, well. I am, but… I’m an engineer! We have special permissions.” He reached up, rubbing the back of his neck. “I like my hair… like this, long enough.”   
  
She paused, trying to catch his eye in the mirror. He shuffled uncomfortably.   
  
“I think I have an idea, then…” She hummed, grabbing a couple of strands near the front of his face, drawing them around his chin. He resisted the urge to slap her hand away, still wholly unused to being either manhandled or given this much attention. His heart-rate started up again as she smiled towards him in the mirror, “You want me to give it a go? Something a bit different, yeah?”   
  
His hands were shaking but… he nodded his head.  
  
“Come on, I’m going to have to move you then.”  
  
After being poked and prodded and  _washed,_ Saphir was finally put back in front of the mirror - forced to stare at himself with his hair an awful wet lump. This was a mistake, this was absolutely stupid and beyond a waste of his time, he should have gone to a fancier place or better yet not gone anywhere at all.   
  
And as she took scissors to his hair, hacking great lumps out of it - Saphir only felt like his fears were confirmed. She was  _cutting him to ribbons!_  Probably cropping it short, just practicing for her stupid son. He briefly hoped that he would go ahead and get himself killed in whatever stupid war Peony’s father decided to throw them into, before feeling guilty for that thought and just biting the side of his lip. His fingers toyed with his shirt buttons as she kept on snipping away.   
  
But the good thing was… well, during the assault, she just kept chattering away. It had been irritating at first, but eventually he realised that this was simply part of her performance. She wasn’t really talking to him, not even really talking to herself - she was just chattering like his Mama to keep her mouth occupied. He wasn’t really listening to her, but it was pleasant enough - particularly as he only had to hum a ‘uh huh’ or ‘yes’ every now and then to satisfy his part. It made him feel, on some level, like this was actually a really good conversation! He was involved! Being social! Simulating the lives of those lesser apes!   
  
After some time of careful cutting and snipping, taking  _much_  longer than Mama or Jade (which was strange given he had… just as much hair as he normally did when he took it to be cut) - she put the scissors down, nodding in satisfaction. After that, she produced a hairdryer (‘a relatively new fon tech!’, Saphir burbled, ‘infused with the fifth fonon!’, and it became the hairdressers turn to nod and ‘uh huh’ in vague agreement.)   
  
Saphir continued warbling, gaining confidence, telling her all about the precise inner mechanisms of the hairdryer - the type of fon-crystal used, the wiring - asking for the brand so he could tell her exactly where they extracted the minerals for its plating. And just as he was getting into the swing of his ramble, it… was switched off, and he looked towards the mirror.   
  
Oh.   
  
His eyes stung.  _Oh._  
  
She neatened it a little, pulling the last strands into place.   
  
“There you go, darling. Doesn’t that much better? Wouldn’t believe you had a gorgeous face under all that, huh?”  
  
“G..gorgeous?!” His face darkened two shades, his head lowering instinctively but… he kept his eyes glanced up at that mirror.   
  
The woman just laughed, “You’re really cute.”  
  
“Shut up!” He swung his legs and she took the towel away, shaking loose the last of his hair. “But… uh.. Thank you.”   
  
“Not a problem, honey. That’ll be 5,000 gald.”   
  
Gods, that was a third of his monthly pay, but as he stared at the mirror, he couldn’t bring himself to gripe.   
  
“Can I book an appointment for next month?”

* * *

Saphir felt lighter than he ever had in his life, his hands nearly constantly brushing through his hair - or his head flicking slightly, delighting as he felt his fringe bounce. He was  _gorgeous,_ that was the word the lady had used,  _gorgeous._ And gods, he felt it, felt it in his confident step, felt it in his chest that seemed to swell up for the world. He  _wanted_  to be seen, all of a sudden - random people no longer inciting a flare of anxiety, no, now he studied them, hungry for any kind of reaction. And even if they didn’t react, he didn’t care!   
  
He wanted  _Peony_  to see him, wanted Mama to see him… but most of all, of course, most of all…   
  
He approached the lab, flicking his hair again.  
  
Stepping in, he saw him -  _Jade_  - bent over a book, peering at something. Saphir was careful, keeping his excitement to himself, but the feeling spilled out of his chest and out of his lips - into a happy little hum.   
  
“Jade ~,” he mused, “Good afternoon.”   
  
Jade straightened, “Good afternoon, Saphir.”  _Look at me, please, look at me… Jade…_  
  
And then he glanced in his direction, soulless eyes staring up at him, unchanging.   
  
Not even a hint of surprise.   
  
“Saphir…” Saphir’s heart was pounding, his face was  _burning_  - all of a sudden a dark thought slipped in - Jade was going to call it ugly… because that’s what it was, wasn’t it? Ugly, just plain and ugly and a  _stupid_ thing for Saphir to get so tangled up over. He lowered his head.   
  
“Saphir, I have something important I need you to do.”   
  
“Huh?”   
  
… Was… was that worse? Was he.. not even going to acknowledge it?   
  
“Jade! Don’t you see anything different about me?” Saphir teased, tensing again.    
  
Jade tilted his head, eyes unchanging. “I don’t have time for games.”   
  
“It’s not a game!” Saphir flipped his hair again, as though he was spelling it out for him.   
  
“I have something far more important to do than playing spot the difference.” He turned away, walking towards the back of the laboratory.   
  
“Well… Well what is it then?” Saphir waddled after him, the balloon inside of him burst.   
  
Jade turned, looked at Saphir, dead eyed.   
  
“I created a second replica, of the Professor.”   
  
Saphir’s eyes widened, glossing over for the second time that day.   
  
“It’s a failure.”   
  
Jade turned away.   
  
“I need you to dispose of it.”


End file.
